to go to Texas. I’m really going to stop and think about what i’m doing with myself and what i want to do i want to change everything about me. i want to be a certain weight, i want to dress a certain way, i want to stop smoking, i want to not drink as often as i do, i want to forgive everyone that i hold grudges on, i want to become a better person. not for anyone except myself. i was walking along the road tonight with some friends and all i could think about was is that i should put in front of a car. i was literally trying to talk myself into it. why? because i’m so sick of all the fucking pressure. i don’t know. i can only be strong for SO long. i could break down now. i’ve broken down recently but for like 2 minutes i cried because i sit and i’m like why am i crying? and you know, i come up with no answer. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i really just need to get away from everyone.

i’d yell at you and tell you to go fuck yourself if i honestly thought it would affect you any